


Outside The Box

by NoWordsPageEmpty



Series: piece by piece and kiss by kiss [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Established Hanamaki Takahiro/Iwaizumi Hajime, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Panic, Getting Together, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Kissing, M/M, Matsukawa Issei in Love, Multi, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Hanamaki Takahiro, Oblivious Iwaizumi Hajime, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Swearing, The king game, a little less oblivious matsukawa issei, because i have no self-control, there's a tiny bit of everyone thirsting for Iwaizumi, this is even more of a mess than the first part
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29154333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoWordsPageEmpty/pseuds/NoWordsPageEmpty
Summary: Seeing Hanamaki and Iwaizumi kiss for the first time had made Issei felt a certain kind of way that was neither good nor bad nor neutral. It had ached, somehow, had made his heart twist in his chest and his throat tighten. He hadn't been able to look away. Because even though it had hurt, it had still felt right. He hadn't wanted them to stop but he'd felt so empty, knowing that they could do this, could be like this, without him. They fit together like two pieces of a puzzle and no matter how much Issei wanted to be, he'd never even been in the same box as them.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Iwaizumi Hajime, Hanamaki Takahiro/Iwaizumi Hajime/Matsukawa Issei/Oikawa Tooru, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hanamaki Takahiro/Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Matsukawa Issei/Oikawa Tooru, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: piece by piece and kiss by kiss [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2125701
Comments: 15
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!!!  
> Uhm, this is the second part of the series and I genuinely don't know what happened here. I just started writing and then this mess came out??? Idk  
> Anyways, it's probably better to read this after reading Sore Loser but I don't think you have to do that to understand what's happening.  
> Thanks for reading!

Seeing Hanamaki and Iwaizumi kiss for the first time had made Issei felt a certain kind of way that was neither good nor bad nor neutral. It had ached, somehow, had made his heart twist in his chest and his throat tighten. He hadn't been able to look away. Because even though it had hurt, it had still felt right. He hadn't wanted them to stop but he'd felt so empty, knowing that they could do this, could be like this, without him. They fit together like two pieces of a puzzle and no matter how much Issei wanted to be, he'd never even been in the same box as them.

He ignored the feeling over the weekend. He pretended he hadn't ever felt it and that life was nothing more than vines and stupid comedy shows. It worked for a while. Saturday and Sunday went by and Issei had successfully avoided any feeling like that again.

Unfortunately, it didn't last forever.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa picked him up from his house like they usually did. He could hear their bickering from across the street, Oikawa's high-pitched teasing and Iwaizumi's growled replies. It was just like every other morning.

Except for the tension in Iwaizumi's shoulders and the shadow that darkened Oikawa's brown eyes. Except for the way that Iwaizumi's eyes seemed to avoid both, Issei's and Oikawa's eyes, when they met at Issei's doorstep. Except for the question lying on Issei's tongue but not getting past his lips. 

He'd never know the truth if nobody told him. And if he didn't know it, then maybe, for just a little bit longer, he could pretend that it wasn't true.

"Good morning," Oikawa greeted him cheerfully.

"Morning," Iwaizumi muttered.

"I can see, you're very excited to see me," Issei teased his friend.

Iwaizumi glared at him. It lacked a bit of its usual heat and the fact that he avoided Issei's gaze also made it slightly less threatening.

Issei chuckled and Oikawa grinned and the three of them made their way to the bus station to pick up Hanamaki.

Iwaizumi kept quiet for most of the way, throwing in a half-hearted "Shut up, Trashykawa" here and there but not really participating in their conversation. He was chewing on his bottom lip, one hand playing with the Godzilla-chain on his book bag.

Issei noticed it, and he was sure that Oikawa did too, judging by the way he glanced at Iwaizumi in between sentences, but neither of them said anything. Issei didn't mention it either when Oikawa reached out for the other's hand and pulled back just as quickly.

The whole situation was uncomfortable and tense and Issei wished that they were finally at school, so that he would be able to sit down in class and pretend that none of this was real.

"You're really slow today, you know that?"

Hanamaki was waiting at the bus station, the hint of a smirk on his lips. He was stepping from one leg to the other and Issei immediately knew that he was going to hear the truth about everything sooner or later.

"You talk big for someone who's always one the last people to finish their laps," Issei commented despite the bitter taste on his tongue.

"I'm faster than Kunimi," Hanamaki defended himself.

"Everyone is faster than Kunimi," Issei argued.

"He could be fast," Oikawa chimed in, "He's just lazy."

Hanamaki huffed but didn't take it any further. Instead he let his gaze wander towards Iwaizumi who hadn't said anything yet. The boy in question looked up, the tips of his ears red and a fond smile on his face. 

Issei's heart melted and he pretended like he could only feel the wave of affection hit him and not the sting in his chest.

"Hi," Iwaizumi said.

Hanamaki smiled back, about as softly and fondly, and Issei could feel his poor, lovesick heart crack.

"Hi," Hanamaki answered.

They looked at each other for a while, not too long but long enough for it to feel intimate in a way that hurt even more than fond smiles and the hearts in their eyes.

Oikawa cleared his throat and Issei was very grateful that he didn't have to do it.

"Uh," Iwaizumi made and under differentent circumstances, Issei would've probably laughed at him for flushing bright red.

"So, we wanted to tell you something."

From the corner of his eye, Issei could see Oikawa flinch a bit.

Same, he thought bitterly.

"You probably already know though," Hanamaki added.

"I mean, if this about what I think it is," Issei started, "You certainly didn't hide it."

Both of his friends blushed furiously.

"Shut up," Iwaizumi muttered.

"We're dating," Hanamaki said quickly, grabbing Iwaizumi's hand demonstratively.

The feeling from friday was coming back, clawing its fingers around Issei's heart and tearing its nails into it. It was truly astonishing how something could feel so good yet hurt so bad at the same time.

"Don't be assholes about it." Iwaizumi glared at them but from the look in his eyes and the way he was still playing with that Godzilla-chain, it was clear that he was asking if they were okay with it. 

"I could never," Oikawa replied, "I'm a nice, pure-hearted person."

Iwaizumi squinted at him and Issei knew that he'd noticed how fake Oikawa was being.

"I'm happy for you," Issei quickly said, not wanting Oikawa to get interrogated right now, "Just keep the PDA down. Your stunt on Friday traumatized the first years."

Iwaizumi and Hanamaki started spluttering and Oikawa's facade was forgotten.

The four of them started walking again and Issei looked up to the sky.

_Just keep the PDA down because I truly don't know how much I can take._

~

After that morning, the feeling kept coming back and with every time it did, it became harder and harder to bare.

He could feel it when Iwaizumi and Hanamaki announced their relationship to the team, holding hands while blushing, or when Iwaizumi reluctantly kissed Hanamaki on the cheek after he won a practice match. 

He felt it when they shared a goodbye kiss when Hanamaki entered his bus home, on Monday, Tuesday and every day after that. When Hanamaki kissed Iwaizumi's nose in order to distract him, so that he could steal a bit of his food and when they were whispering something to each other on Thursday.

Issei wasn't jealous of either of them, he didn't want to take Iwaizumi's place and he didn't want to take Hanamaki's either. He wanted to be with them, Oikawa too, hold their hands and kiss their cheeks, noses, foreheads and lips. 

It had been stupid before because it was embarrassingly sappy and cheesy and hopeless too and it was stupid now because two of them were in a relationship and the other was so utterly heartbroken about it that there was no way he didn't love them as much as Issei did.

And Issei could tell that, even though Hanamaki and Iwaizumi were a couple, they felt the same way for Oikawa. With every stupid, longing gaze and every lingering touch, Issei could feel his heart break into more pieces because he wasn't part of it.

~

The day Issei's despair hit its peak was on Saturday, when Oikawa had spontaneously invited the team over for a "team bonding session of the court". Issei blamed that idea on the look in his eyes whenever Iwaizumi or Hanamaki did about as much as brush their shoulders against the other's. That look of longing and yearning and pain. 

It felt like a punch to the stomach to know that the other was hurting and it felt like a knife in his chest to know that the three of them were oh so obviously in love with each other while he was pining for all three of them. Issei hoped he didn't share Oikawa's expression, at least not that openly.

To be honest, Issei really didn't want to go to the bonding session or whatever it was. He wanted to stay at home and numb his brain with more TV shows and memes. 

But when Oikawa had looked at him on Thursday, with his pretty brown eyes and his long lashes and that pleading look in his eyes, Issei couldn't help but say yes.

And he hadn't been the only one to agree to Oikawa's stupid plan even though he didn't want to. Kindaichi, Yahaba and Watari immediately agreed (though that was probably because they were actually excited) and Kunimi and even Kyoutani muttered a 'yes', obviously noticing the weird tension between the third years. Iwaizumi and Hanamaki had agreed too after staring at Oikawa's puppy eyes for at least two minutes.

In the end, all of them came together on Saturday in Oikawa's house. It wasn't exactly rare for them to meet up like that but usually they went to karaoke or to eat somewhere. The few times they had actually been at someone's place had been birthdays and a few special occasions. Not like whatever this was supposed to be.

It was awkward at first. Everyone was just sitting there, more or (in Oikawa's case) less silently downing one cup of soda after the other, while the awkward tension was getting worse and worse with every minute. The savior of the day was Watari (Issei thanked every single god and goddess to ever exist for Watari) who interrupted Oikawa's senseless rambling.

"We could play a game," he suggested carefully, "It's what we usually do, right?"

Oikawa's face lit up. (And _no_ , Issei's heart did _not_ skip a beat, thank you very much.)

"Excellent idea, Watachi!" Oikawa grinned at his team mates. "How about the king game?"

Issei noticed the way Oikawa's eyes wandered off to Iwaizumi and Hanamaki. The two of them were sitting between him and Issei, shoulders touching and Iwaizumi's right hand on top Hanamaki's left. Both of them perked up at the mention of the game and Issei snorted amusedly.

For some reason, the two of them were almost as obsessed with that game as Oikawa was with Truth or Dare. Hanamaki usually described it as the thrill of the uncertainty and mystery and Iwaizumi always shrugged his shoulders and said something along the ligns of "I just think it's cool."

"Sure," Yahaba agreed and Kindaichi nodded quickly.

"I don't care," Kyoutani said and Kunimi simply shrugged his shoulders.

"Sounds good, Captain," Issei smirked.

Oikawa seemed satisfied with that, a pleased smile on his lips. He got up and skipped in the direction of the kitchen, probably to get paper and a pen.

It was silent again but noticeably less uncomfortable. It felt more content and excited than anything else.

When Oikawa came back, he handed out a snippet of paper to everyone. 

The first time, they had played this together in this same constellation, had been a total disaster. Most of them had swapped their numbers whenever Oikawa hadn't looked. Somehow they had always been two kings and Oikawa had always claimed to be one of them. Kyoutani had refused at least half of the things he had been supposed to do and somewhere along the lines Kunimi had just stopped drawing numbers. The only people who had actually been playing the game were Iwaizumi and Hanamaki.

The next time they'd played had been a little less chaotic, even though most people still cheated eighty percent of the time, and now they were finally at the point where they'd play properly. And most of the time it was actually kind of fun.

"I got king," Kindaichi said a little nervously.

"Proof," Oikawa demanded and nodded when Kindaichi showed him his snippet.

Issei glanced at the number on his piece (five) and turned to look at the first year. Kindaichi was biting his bottom lip, staring up in the air and frowning a little. It was kind of funny to see him get so invested into finding a good dare - it was just a game after all.

"Uhm," he made, "Number six has to do a handstand."

Everyone groaned collectively.

"Come on, you can do better than that," Hanamaki teased his kouhai and Kyoutani rolled his eyes.

"That's so boring."

"At least it's nothing too weird," Iwaizumi commented and stood up.

The room immediately quieted down and everyone, Issei included, looked up at Iwaizumi who flicked his snippet (number six as it seemed) at Oikawa's head.

"Hey," the other third year complained but immediately shut up when Iwaizumi went to the nearest wall and easily went into a handstand.

Issei could feel his heart stop beating in his chest. 

Iwaizumi was still standing on his hands like he wanted to show them just how easy the order was. His muscles flexed and his shirt slid down a bit, showing abs that were definetely worth drooling over.

 _Fuck_ , Issei was so gay.

He could hear Kindaichi squeal a little in the background and from the corner of his eye, he could see Kyoutani's cheeks flush a little.

"Hot damn," Hanamaki whistled next to him, "Nice, babe."

Iwaizumi blushed and almost fell flat on his face. Somehow, he still managed to catch himself and get on his feet somewhat gracefully.

"Don't say that, idiot," he muttered, getting back to his place next to Hanamaki.

Issei swallowed and he took a deep breath, putting his snippet back in the middle.

 _Babe_.

It echoed in his head and impaled his heart like a dagger.

Issei glanced at Oikawa but the captain of their team was still red in the face and obviously hadn't quite noticed the nickname yet.

The rounds after that were a little less boring and also a little less torturous. Iwaizumi ordered Yahaba to draw on Kyoutani's face with a permanent marker (which seemed to be a dream come true for the setter), Yahaba dared Watari to do the worm (that went extremely well), Issei made Kunimi remove his socks with his teeth (for such a little lazy fella, that dude sure was flexible) and Hanamaki ordered Oikawa to wear a blindfold until he was king again. 

It was nice and every little bit of tension seemed to be gone now. They were just laughing and having fun and living their lifes (Kyoutani didn't seem to be all that amused but to be fair, the poor guy had a few awful doodles on his face). That was until the next pieces were drawn.

Issei looked down onto his note, reading the number four.

"I'm king," Watari announced, holding his snippet up in the air to prove it.

Oikawa mumbled something about cheating but the others only brushed it off.

"I wonder who we'll embarrass next," Hanamaki commented, grinning at Issei mischeviously.

Issei felt his throat go dry and he nodded, trying not to think about how that smirk made his heart flutter.

"I have something," Watari smiled and his eyes twinkled dangerously, "I order 1 and 4 to kiss."

Issei looked back at his snippet. 

_Fuck_.

"Oh wow, getting bold, are we? So, who am I going to have to smooch?"

Issei turned his head so fast, his neck might as well have snapped, staring right into Hanamaki's dark grey eyes.

_Shit, I am so utterly fucked._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it was karma for the jokes he made at his friend's expense (even if they were always playful and never meant to hurt anyone) or maybe it was just fate's way of laughing about him or maybe whatever gods existed just didn't like him, but whatever it was that had brought him into this mess, Issei sure as fuck hated it. He didn't blame Watari for it, the second year didn't know who had what numbers and he also didn't know about the dreams Issei had. Dreams evolving around soft lips and slightly rough hands and quiet "I love you"s. Dreams so different from what was going to happen now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!!  
> Uhm, this is kind of short (i'm so sorry) but there'll be a third part, so I hope you don't mind.  
> Anyways, this is still so angsty and I don't know why. Like I just start writing and then I look at it and it's just like: boom! angst!!!  
> I hope you still like it even though it may be a bit ooc at certain times!!!

Maybe it was karma for the jokes he made at his friend's expense (even if they were always playful and never meant to hurt anyone) or maybe it was just fate's way of laughing about him or maybe whatever gods existed just didn't like him, but whatever it was that had brought him into this mess, Issei sure as fuck hated it. He didn't blame Watari for it, the second year didn't know who had what numbers and he also didn't know about the dreams Issei had. Dreams evolving around soft lips and slightly rough hands and quiet "I love you"s. Dreams so different from what was going to happen now.

Issei's hand was shaking when he handed Hanamaki his snippet. 

"I bet you're sad it's not your boyfriend, huh?"

That was weak and Issei knew it but he couldn't think of anything else to comment. The only thing on his mind right now was how the hell he was going to get out of this. 

It wasn't like he didn't want to kiss Hanamaki. He _did_ want to kiss him. Issei wanted it so badly that sometimes, restraining himself from just doing it, physically pained him. He wanted to kiss Hanamaki, just not like _this_. Not with so many people watching, knowing that this was nothing more but a game and noticing how much it really meant to Issei.

Issei glanced at Hanamaki. The other boy's gaze was focused on the piece of paper in his hands. He had widened his eyes so much, Issei thought they would fall out of his head. 

Iwaizumi was hovering above him from behind his back, eyes flicking from the snippet to Hanamaki and back to Issei, an unreadable expression on his face. 

_Fuck, what if he knows?_

It was the first thing that crossed Issei's mind and it made his stomach twist. His heart pounded against his rib cage and he feared that if he'd try and stand up, he'd just fall over and faint.

Because what if Iwaizumi knew, _really_ knew, what was going on right now? What if he knew that Issei had feelings for Hanamaki? What if he was going to be mad at him for liking his boyfriend and stop being his friend? 

And what if he knew that Issei had feelings for him, too? For him, Hanamaki and Oikawa. Issei wondered if he'd tell the others or if he'd keep it to himself. He wondered if they could still be friends, if the others would hate him or if maybe, there was just a tiny chance, that they'd like him too, even if it was just a little bit. A little bit but at least enough to try.

"Guys?'

Watari's voice brought Issei back to reality. He silently thanked the second year for stopping him from losing himself in hopeless fantasies and daydreams with no future.

Issei turned to look at the second year. His kouhai looked guilty, like he knew what he'd started but really hadn't meant to.

"I can think of something else if you want me to," Watari said quickly, "I actually thought that maybe it would be someone else."

He glanced at Yahaba and Kyoutani on his left side and under different circumstances, Issei would have found that absolutely hilarious.

"What's going on?" Oikawa was fiddling with his blindfold. "Someone tell me why everyone's silent. I'll push this thing off if you don't tell me."

"Uh," Issei made, "I-"

"It's fine," Hanamaki said quickly, "If Issei's in, I'm in too."

"Excuse me, what?" Oikawa pushed the blindfold on top of his head. " _You_ two have to kiss?"

"Seems like it," Issei muttered, "Shouldn't you be blind right now?"

"This is too important." Oikawa quickly dismissed Issei's comment. "Iwa-chan, are you okay with this?"

Issei looked back at Iwaizumi. That weird expresssion from earlier was gone and Iwaizumi was now resting his head on Hanamaki's shoulder, fixated on the snipped with the scribbled number four on it.

"Why not?" Iwaizumi didn't look at either of them. "It's a game, right?"

"I would have thought you were the jealous type, Iwa-chan," Oikawa sing-songed but Issei noticed the nervousity in his voice.

And Issei really couldn't blame him. After Hanamaki and Iwaizumi had kissed last week, something had changed between the four of them. While it seemed that before the kiss, all of them had some sort of underhand pining thing going on, now it was resolved for two out of the four of them and neither Oikawa nor Issei were sure where that left them in all of this. And neither of them knew what another kiss would change.

"I'm not jealous, Shittykawa," Iwaizumi snapped without looking up, "I trust both of them."

Issei could feel his heart squeeze so hard, it felt like someone was trying to choke it. All he wanted to do at this very moment was to cry. Iwaizumi trusted him, trusted him not to do anything that could ruin his relationship, and that hurt so badly because Issei didn't deserve that kind of trust. Because this was not just a one time thing with no strings attached, not for him at least.

"Because you're secretely a softie," Hanamaki teased, patting his boyfriend's head.

Issei saw Kyoutani scrunch up his nose as if the word "softie" was something to never be associated with Iwaizumi.

"Oh my god, shut up." Iwaizumi sat back, his face reddening again. "If you're both okay with this, then I see no reason why you shouldn't do this."

_There is a reason_ , Issei wanted to scream, _I'm in love with_ _you and your boyfriend isn't that enough of a reason?_

"Great," Hanamaki exclaimed, throwing the snippets in the middle of their circle, "Then let's do this."

Issei looked from him to Iwaizumi and back again. Both of them were gazing at him now, a silent question if he agreed with it too or if he didn't want to do this.

"I bet I kiss better than Iwaizumi."

Issei spoke before he thought and he cursed himself for it. But to be honest, either way it would be obvious what was going on with him. If he'd decline, then they'd know there was something behind this other than the relationship of his friends (since they'd both given consent and he trusted them as much as they seemed to trust him) and if he kissed Hanamaki now, then everyone would see just how much this actually meant to him. He was screwed, one way or the other.

"We'll see about that," Iwaizumi countered from behind Hanamaki, green-grey eyes meeting his own directly now.

Issei swallowed and looked at Hanamaki in front of him.

"So, you'll really do this, huh?"

Issei heard Oikawa's quiet voice and for a second he wanted to change his mind and tap out and pretend that this was all just a little too odd for him.

But before he could open his mouth, there were lips on his, silencing him effectively.

Issei felt like he was going to explode. His heart stopped only to continue beating three times faster than usually and his stomach felt weird and tingly and oh so nice. 

Hanamaki's lips were nice. They felt soft and they tasted of cream puffs and a bit of soda. Issei loved it.

He wanted to close his eyes and deepen the kiss but Hanamaki pulled back already. They were still close, so close that Issei could see the speckles in Hanamaki's eyes that were a lighter grey than the rest. He could feel the other's hot breath against his lips and he knew that if he'd move them just a bit, their lips would brush against each other.

Issei looked back into Hanamaki's eyes and before he knew it, they were kissing again. He didn't even know who'd been the one to lean in this time, the only thing that he could think of right now was how soft Hanamaki's lips felt and how perfectly they fit with his own. 

This time, Issei closed his eyes, leaning more into the kiss than before and moving his lips against the other's. He could feel a hand on his cheek and another one on his shoulder, pulling him in.

The kiss made Issei feel dizzy and his mind go blank. The only thing he could think about right now was the taste of soda and creampuff that was somehow way too sweet and just perfect at the same time. He wondered if there was a bit of Iwaizumi in the way Hanamaki tasted and felt.

_Iwaizumi. Fuck._

Issei could feel his emotions do a hundredeighty at the thought of his other friend. His heart twisted and he could feel the butterflies in his stomach dying and turning to mosquitos that intended to suck the warmth and dizziness out of him. It was worse than every cold shower.

_"I trust both of them."_

Issei opened his eyes and pulled away, immediately distancing himself from Hanamaki until his hands were no longer touching Issei.

"Oh," someone whispered. Kindaichi probably

"What the fuck just happened?" It sounded like Kyoutani but Issei couldn't think straight so he wasn't entirely sure.

Hanamaki opened his eyes too and the look on his face caused a shiver down Issei's spine. He looked absolutely horrified and Issei didn't know why. There were so many reasons why he could feel horrified but the one that would hurt the most, the one that Issei didn't even want to consider, was that he knew. That Hanamaki knew how he felt and that he hated it.

And then, as if that wasn't painful enough already, Issei's eyes met Iwaizumi's. Olive green met dark brown and Issei was sure that if Iwaizumi hadn't known when he'd seen Issei's reaction to the order, he definetely knew now. His eyes were widened and his mouth was opened to a silent "oh".

Maybe someone else would have talked it out, would have explained the situation calmly and would have taken the following rejection with a nod. Maybe someone else would have looked all of the people he loved in the eyes and would have just told them the truth. Maybe someone else would have been brave enough to do all of this.

But Issei, as it turned out, certainly wasn't. Issei was a coward and that was why he ran. He stood up, turned around and left Oikawa's house without looking back for a second glance. 

It was already dark outside and usually Hanamaki would have gone with Issei until they'd reach his house and then they'd part and Hanamaki would go to the bus station and drive home, sending Issei a shit ton of memes on his way back. But today wasn't like usually and maybe there was never going to be another day like "usually". And that was why Issei was running in the first place.

He didn't usually like running, not even at practice. He prefered to jog slowly and calmly so that he could take everything in instead of just following his instincts and sprinting across the field. But today Issei ran and he didn't think about it at all.

The only things he could actually think of in that very moment, were the look on his friends' faces and the sharp pain in his heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, Issei, I swear that you'll be fine
> 
> The next part will still be from Issei's point of view but I'm thinking about posting Makki's and Iwa's reaction sperately if anyone would actually be interested in reading that :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He could still see his friends' expressions in front of him, as if they were still there. As if the kiss had only been a few seconds ago. Issei could still see Hanamaki's wide open eyes, the shock on his face and the way his entire body had tensed. He could still picture Iwaizumi's lightly parted lips, that weird expression on his face that Issei couldn't quite place and he could still hear his voice echoing in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I think that this might be the worst chapter of the entire series but on the other hand I hate everything I write in the first minutes after writing it so maybe it isn't even that bad.  
> Anyways, I hope you'll still have fun reading and that you'll enjoy it :)

Issei had never been as grateful for his parents being out of town as he was right now. Because if they had been at home, they would have definetely confronted him about why he'd slammed the door behind him after coming home, only to run straight to his room and shut that door just as loudly as the one at the entry. They would have been angry at first and then when they would have seen the tears on his face and the panicked look in his eyes, they would have asked what was going on. And then Issei would have to explain, would have to tell them what had happened and he would have to see it all again, right in front of his inner eyes. He would have to see the horror unfolding with no way to stop it now that it had already happened.

But fortunately his parents weren't at home. Issei was alone and so he didn't have to worry about anyone waking up and talking go him about this night. He already had enough to worry about.

Issei slid down against his bedroom door, letting his head fall back against it with a quiet "thunk". He could taste salty tears on his lips and he closed his eyes to stop them from spilling.

"Fuck," he muttered to himself, disrupting the silence of his room.

He could still see his friends' expressions in front of him, as if they were still there. As if the kiss had only been a few seconds ago. Issei could still see Hanamaki's wide open eyes, the shock on his face and the way his entire body had tensed. He could still picture Iwaizumi's lightly parted lips, that weird expression on his face that Issei couldn't quite place and he could still hear his voice echoing in his head.

_"I trust them both."_

"He shouldn't have," Issei whispered, barely noticing that he was saying it out loud and not just thinking it.

But the worst part was that he could still feel Hanamaki's lips on his, could still feel his lips tingle and could still taste soda and creampuffs on his tongue. The worst part was that he could still remember how _nice_ the kiss had been until realization had dawned upon him.

Issei bit his lip hard enough to taste a bit of blood. The tingling was still there, still present and Issei wanted nothing more than to feel it fade away so that he could forget about it all.

Maybe if he'd tell his friends that he had panicked because he had found a girlfriend in New Zealand, they would push what had happened aside and laugh about it. Maybe they would make a few jokes and then ignore it because it had been a stupid incident that didn't mean a lot to any of them.

_That's stupid. No one will believe you._

In Issei's mind, Iwaizumi's face appeared again, that weird expression on his face that made Issei believe that he knew about everything Issei had been trying to hide so desperately.

He squinted, letting the images of his mind be replaced by a comforting and neutral darkness.

"This is all my fault," Issei muttered to himself, "I should've just said no when I had the chance. Or I should have pulled away after the second kiss. Or maybe I should have just not gone at all."

He had had so many chances to stop it, had had so many chances to say no and yet he had just let it happen, like the dumb idiot he was.

"Fuck," Issei muttered again.

His thoughts wandered off to what was going to happen on Monday and it made his stomach turn and his heart twist. He didn't want to think about that.

He didn't want to think about his friends telling him that he was awful and a terrible friend just to never talk to him ever again. And he didn't want to think about pitying gazes and fake smiles while everything suddenly became really awkward until they couldn't have a single normal conversation again. He didn't want to think about losing them.

Issei inhaled deeply and opened his eyes. He didn't want to think about it but at some point he would have to do so and he would have to face reality. Even if reality meant that his life was going to become really, really awful.

"I could transfer to Karasuno," he joked, his voice barely louder than a whisper, "I bet they don't care if you're in love with your three best friends. Those guys only have volleyball in their heads."

Issei snickered quietly even though it wasn't really funny.

He almost choked on his own laugh when he heard a loud "clonk" from outside. It sounded like someone was throwing stones against his wall. The noise repeated itself and Issei frowned.

"What the fuck?"

There was another "clonk" but louder this time and Issei closed his eyes again. 

He didn't want to check whatever the hell was going on outside, he wanted to lock himself in his bedroom and pretend that life wasn't real until he would have to go back to school on Monday. He wanted to drown his heartache in something mind-numbing and distracting until love was nothing more than a word and his friends were nothing more than faces and names in the back of his mind.

Another "clonk".

Issei sighed in defeat and got on his feet. He hoped that it was just a very dumb bird and not some of the brats in the neighbourhood.

His legs were aching and Issei couldn't tell if it was actual pain from running or just his intense want to sit back down and ignore the real world. Issei slowly walked to his window, hoping that when he'd open it, there would be nothing and no one outside.

When he did open it, a stone flew past him, missing his face by only a few inches.

"Fuck!"

Issei could feel everything inside of him freeze when he heard that voice. His heart was the only thing moving, and it was beating at last a hundred times faster than usual. Issei felt like there was a string around his neck, tightening and refusing to let him breathe.

 _Not yet_ , was the only thing he could think in that moment, _please give me two more days. I don't want to hear it now. I want to pretend for two more days._

"Are you okay?"

Issei slowly lowered his gaze, his heart pounding against his chest like it was trying to jump out of it. In front of his house were two of his best friends, staring up at him with stones in their hands and worried eyes.

Iwaizumi had been the one to swear and Issei guessed that he had thrown the stone at him too (not that it mattered). He was frowning in his weird agressively caring way and it made Issei's heart ache because he really didn't deserve that right now.

"Matsukawa? I didn't hit you, did I?" Iwaizumi frowned even harder.

Issei shook his head, finding himself unable to speak. He wanted them to leave but at the same time he felt like his heart would break into pieces if they would actually turn around and go.

"Can you let us in?" It was the first thing Hanamaki had said after they had repeatedly thrown stones at Issei's window and the words made Issei's knees go weak.

 _No_ , he wanted to say, _Please don't make me do this_.

But just like before, his body didn't listen to his thoughts and he nodded instead.

"Thanks," Hanamaki answered. 

Issei could see a hesitant smile forming on his lips but he turned around before he could see it bloom.

~

"Why didn't you just ring the door bell?"

It had taken Issei all the way from his bedroom to the door to come up with something to say that wouldn't sound sad or pathetic or any of the other things he felt like in that very moment.

Iwaizumi and Hanamaki were standing in front of the door, Iwaizumi a few steps in front of Hanamaki, and both of them with the same, nervous expressions on their face that they'd had on the morning they had announced their relarionship.

"We didn't know if your parents were home," Hanamaki answered, "And we weren't sure if you'd answer."

Issei gulped and turned away to let his friends (if he was still allowed to call them that) enter. He didn't look at them when they did, didn't want to see the small smiles on their faces as if they weren't about to break his heart in two.

"Why did you come here?" 

Issei closed the door behind Hanamaki and went in the direction of the kitchen, his friends following behind him.

"We need to talk," Hanamaki answered.

Issei could feel the string around his throat tighten again. He'd known that that was the reason, had known what exactly they needed to talk about, but those specific words made it feel so much more real and so much worse.

"It's not like you think," Iwaizumi said quickly and Issei knew that he saw him tense up.

Issei turned around to look at him. He buried his hands in the pockets of his jeans to stop them from playing with the fabric of his shirt and show how nervous all of this made him.

"Then what is it?"

It came out harsher than Issei had wanted to but there was so much going on inside of him that he couldn't control it.

He was terrified of their talk, of what they were going to tell him and he was mad at himself for letting it come this far. He wanted Iwaizumi and Hanamaki to leave him alone but he also wanted to hold on to them and never let them go.

"We kissed," Hanamaki said tonelessly, as if he didn't know whether it was a good or a bad thing.

"We did."

Issei leaned against the counter behind him, afraid that if he didn't have something to steady him, he'd just fall over.

"I'm not mad at you, you know?" Iwaizumi spoke firmly but there was a weird tone in his voice that was impossible for Issei to place. "I said it was okay, that I trust both of you."

"Yeah but we both know that you shouldn't," Issei answered.

Hanamaki didn't say anything but he was looking from Iwaizumi to Issei and back to the former as if he didn't know what they were talking about.

"I'm not mad about that either," Iwaizumi said, "Just surprised and -"

He didn't finish whatever he was going to say, leaving the sentence unfinished.

"Can you two stop speaking in riddles?" Hanamaki crossed his arms in front of his chest. "We kissed and then you left. Why?"

Issei gripped the edge of the counter so tightly, he could see his knuckles turning white. He opened his mouth and closed it again. He wanted to say the truth, wanted to finally let go of what he'd been holding on to, but somehow he couldn't.

The string around his neck was tighter than ever and he felt like his heart was being pulled in four different directions, slowly tearing apart.

"It's okay." Iwaizumi nodded reassuringly. "Trust me."

Once again, Issei wanted to cry because of that stupid word coming out of Iwaizumi's mouth. He didn't know how much the other thought he knew but somehow it seemed like it wasn't nearly as much as Issei was truly hiding.

"I-"

Hanamaki raised his eyebrows, waiting for what was coming. 

"I left because I'm in love with you and I thought you knew."

Issei closed his eyes. He felt dizzy and shaky and weak, like he was going to fall onto the floor as soon as he let go of the counter.

"Oh." 

The sound was so soft and quiet that Issei almost missed it. He opened his eyes to look at Hanamaki.

The other's eyes had widened and his mouth was open like he wanted to say something but somehow couldn't. Issei couldn't tell if that was good or bad.

Everything inside of him was telling him to run again, to avoid knowing what "oh" meant and escape the truth as long as he could. 

But then again, there was a part inside of him that remembered that Iwaizumi had told him that it was okay. And while that could just mean that they were going to stay friends no matter what, there was also a slight chance that maybe, somehow, Issei wasn't alone with his feelings.

"You left because you thought I knew?" Hanamaki repeated tonelessly.

"Both of you," Iseei corrected, "I was scared that you'd hate me."

"I don't." Issei turned his head to look at Iwaizumi. "I wouldn't hate you for that. I'd be fine if you would want to try out dating. There are relationships where one person dates two people but they don't date each other, so you wouldn't have to be in love with me too."

 _But I am_ , Issei wanted to scream, _You idiot, I'm in love with both of you._

"I don't think that it's impossible," Iwaizumi continued, "You're in love with him and I'm in love with him and I-"

Once again, he didn't finish what he was going to say and just kept quiet instead. It was unusual since Iwaizumi was never one to be unsure with his words or start something that he wasn't going to finish.

It made Issei feel uneasy. He didn't know what exactly that meant for him or them. If Iwaizumi was just saying all of this to please him or if he actually meant it but didn't know how all of this was going to work. Issei wanted to ask but the words were stuck in his throat.

"I'm in love with you too," Hanamaki burst out, then, "Both of you."

Issei could feel the string loosen around his throat and fall to the ground. His heart fluttered and he couldn't help but gape at the boy in front of him. 

_He loves me. He loves me. He loves me._

The words kept repeating in Issei's head and it felt like the world was evolving around those three words, like they were the only thing that had ever mattered.

Hanamaki smiled at him and Issei wanted nothing more than to kiss him and hear those words over and over again until they were imprinted in his mind.

"If you two start dating, then we should definetely come clean about a few things."

Issei felt Iwaizumi's voice pull him back to reality, the one where one person loved him back but two others didn't and that mattered just as much as the three words in his head.

"Because I don't think it'd be fair if I left you in the dark about it." Iwaizumi looked at him with an intensity that made Issei's heart skip a beat in his chest. "I hope this doesn't change your mind about any of this but I don't only like Hanamaki."

"You said you loved me," Hanamaki chimed in but closed his mouth as soon as Iwaizumi send a pleading glance his way.

"I don't only _love_ Hanamaki," Iwaizumi corrected himself, "I love you too, you know?"

Issei felt like he was going to faint. His heart was bursting in the best way possible and he felt lighter than he had ever felt before.

"I love both of you too," Issei managed to get out. His voice sounded weird and shaky and he could feel the smile forming on his lips.

"What?"

Iwaizumi sounded and looked just as dumbfounded as Hanamaki only a few minutes before. 

He was staring at Issei with wide eyes while Hanamaki was smiling wider than Issei had ever seen. He could feel his heart squeeze in his chest but this time, it felt good.

"I said I love you too," Issei said again, "For three years now."

"Oh."

Issei felt the relief wash over him and suddenly he finally felt free to say what had been on the tip of his tongue for years. 

"I love you and Makki and Oikawa. All three of you." 

It felt so, so good to finally get it off his chest. To finally say it out loud, to tell someone. And it felt even better to know that two of the people he loved, loved him back.

"I love all three of you too," Hanamaki announced, grinning at Issei in a way that made his heart soar.

"Me too." Iwaizumi was smiling as well, in the same fond way that Issei always caught him looking at Oikawa and Hanamaki. Seeing that smile directed at him made Issei feel warm inside.

"Can I kiss you?" he blurted out.

He didn't know where that came from, neither the words nor his sudden bravery, but he wasn't going to take it back now.

"If that means you'll go out with us tomorrow," Iwaizumi answered surprisingly fast.

"And if you'll be our boyfriend," Hanamaki added.

"Definetely." Issei couldn't remember the last time he'd been so sure of something.

Iwaizumi grinned and then they kissed.

He tasted like cola and salted caramel and that, Issei thought, was just as nice as soda and creampuffs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what happened at the end tbh
> 
> Also, I'm very uncertain about where and when I'll post the Iwahana version of the last chapter because I don't to have it sit in between this part of the series and the next one but I also don't want to wait until I wrote all four parts. Maybe I'll post it as a bonus chapter??? I don't know...

**Author's Note:**

> Do you know how Captain Holt from Brooklyn 99 talks about women when he pretends to be straight? That's exactly how I felt when I wrote the handstand scene


End file.
